In my house...

So I know that my son is only 4 and years away from texting (I hope) but I saw a news story about "Sexting" and had to put in my 2 cents.

So the whole "sexting" thing is bad in and of itself. I don't know why kids find this so amusing. I guess I have always been a little paranoid, I would be worried about who else would see or read my text. However in my day the worst we could do was write an embarassing note on real paper, imagine that. Still, as an adult with text messaging I can't imagine "sexting", even with my husband. There are too many variables. My husband could lose his phone, lend it to a nosy friend, or accidentally forward my message.

As far as the kids "sexting" well I guess I don't understand why. What happened to self respect? We have begun to go above and beyond to boost kids self esteem. Only positive cheers at organized sports, everyone plays rules and so on. So then why now are kids doing things that show such a lack of respect for themselves?

What prompted me to write this blog was not the fact that the kids are doing this, because I am speechless about that, shocking I know.

During the news report a computer program that parents can use to monitor their children's cell phones was shown to several teenagers and parents. Of course the kids said "Thats an invasion of privacy" One parent showed support and another said "Oh no Big Brother"

Here is my opinion:

If I pay the cell phone bill, I paid for the cell phone, my child lives RENT FREE in my house, I CAN and WILL monitor, search and check anything I want. I believe my child has the right to privacy. However, I do not believe that his right to privacy trumps my right and responsibility to keep him safe. My husband and I have already discussing the rules for our son. Right now there is not much we have to worry about but, he will never have a computer in his room, I will use security software to block and monitor his internet use, I will monitor and restrict his use of video games and if I see fit I will search his room. Now I am not saying that I will trample on his privacy just because I can, but if he gives me a reason I will do what I have to do as his mother. I am not interested in being his friend, I am his mother. I plan to do all that I can to have an open and honest relationship where he can and does come to me with anything. I plan to have open lines of communication and listen to his point of view. However that in no way will put he and I on the level of friendship. When he is an adult, and I have done my job, then I hope we will be friends. But when he is a child, my primary responsibility is to be his mother.

I am tired of hearing parents say how they didn't know what their child was doing. Why didn't you know? Why weren't you paying attention? STOP worrying about whether or not your child likes you. THEY DON'T HAVE TO LIKE YOU! Being a good parent is not about being popular. My mom was not always my favorite person growing up, but I grew up. I survived the rules, I survived the consequences of breaking the rules. I became a parent, and now I understand why she did the things she did. She was protecting me, loving me, and teaching me to be a responsible adult. She was right, she wasn't my friend. But she is now.

When we do not teach our children that there are consequences for their actions, or teach them that someone else is always to blame, we do them a HUGE disservice. We do them more harm than good by not setting clear boundaries and sticking to them.

So yes I think cell phone monitoring software is a good thing. I think that nowadays when kids often know more about technology than their parents, any tool parents can use to help keep their kids safe is good. However no software is a substitute for good parenting. Software or not it is still our responsibility as parents to KNOW what is going on in the lives of our children.

Sorry kids, but when you go out get a job, your own place to live, and support yourself then you can expect complete privacy. Until then, while living with your parents, in the room they let you use (no it is not yours it is a room in their house they have loaned to you) your privacy rights are very limited. My advice, be honest, earn your parent's trust and then you don't have to worry. Be dishonest and sneaky, well....