Meltdown Days

Today is August 23, what should have been my mother-in-law's 61st birthday. Sadly she is not here to celebrate it. On top of which yesterday was the 9th anniversary of my grandmother's death. This delightful combination is the perfect setup that is necessary to create a massive meltdown on my part. Add a side of stomach flu, and touch of trying to have a baby for 2 1/2 years and I think I am dangerous. Not to mention I have a 3 yr old who freaks out when cry, a husband I feel I need to be strong for, after all it was his mom. But sometimes I feel strangely selfish and territorial about her. Weird I know. So I try to reconcile these feelings inside myself and will try to only cry in the shower or when I am doing laundry, since no one pays attention to me then. Two amazing women no longer in my life and that my son will never know. He met his "Grandma Linda" but was not even 2 when she passed, and I worry he will not remember her. As for my grandma she has always been his angel. My life was blessed by these women and it saddens me that they are not here anymore. It hurts my heart that these women are not here to see my son grow up. I believe that they are watching over us, but that doesn't change that I wish they were here. So to both of these amazing women: I love you and I miss you!